Functional Family?, What Is A 1. A functional family is one that functions well. 2. The needs of the family members are met. That is, each person in the family feels safe and has proper food, medical care, education and so on. Each member feels that they belong and are nurtured. Each member feels worth and value and dignity. Each member gets to he separate, gets to make mistakes without shaming, gets to be playful and have fun, and has spirituality. 3. All feelings get expressed in a healthy family, in appropriate ways. 4. Problems that recur get solved. 5. Individual feelings, needs, and wants are respected, within limits. 6. The parents in the system are crazy about the kids. They really love them and want them around. 7. Kids are listened to, not lectured at. 8. Parents in a healthy family nurture themselves and their own relationship, so the kids have role models for a relationship that is taken seriously and has value. 9. There are clear, flexible boundaries in a functional family. 10. Functional families have members who inherit the predisposition for diseases like alcoholism, depression, Alzheimer's, etc., but they deal with those physical weaknesses differently. They express their feelings about it, they ask for help when it's needed and they each own their own contributions to family problems. 11. In healthy families each member is accountable for their actions so other family members do not have to get enmeshed with them. 12. People speak directly to each other instead of gossiping and using each other as messengers between themselves and others in the family. 13. People in a functional family share feelings, confront by noticing rather than by pushing and forcing, and know how to detach from the problems of other family members when it is a problem only that family member can ultimately solve. 14. Advice is given when asked for and when appropriate, but kids also are encouraged to struggle with things on their own, so they won't need parents around all the time to make their way in life. 15. In functional families, people know they must go outside of the family to meet some of their needs. They know that to ask for help when it's needed is a sign of strength and health rather than weakness. 16. Parents in healthy families have friends and colleagues with whom they share their lives and their problems, so the children in the family do not have to carry the burden of solving parents' problems or of being parents parents'"best buddies." Friel & Friel