Double Messages / Mixed Messages Mixed or double messages which children get growing up in an addictive home. Also, those that adults get in dysfunctional environments or systems. LOVE / REJECTION: "I love you, but don't bother me." In adult life these children are attracted to relationships where they are rejected because they equate love with rejection. YOU CAN COUNT ON ME / DISAPPOINTMENT: "I'll be there for you, ...next time." The alcoholic parents want credit for their good intentions but don't want their disappointing behavior to count. The adult child learns not to want or expect things. They deny their needs because they don't want to be disappointed when they aren't met. They don't depend on others. ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH / I DON'T WANT TO KNOW: The child is told to always be truthful, ...as long as it's something the parents want to hear. Truth becomes an ideal, lying the reality. In adult life, the child lies automatically, often without guilt or even awareness, even when telling the truth would be easier. EVERYTHING IS FINE / SENSE OF HOPELESSNESS: The child is told verbally that everything is fine or will be all right, but the family atmosphere is one of hopelessness, depression, and anxiety. Everything is not all right!! The adult child suffers from distortions in his/her perceptions of reality, feels powerless over his/her life, is often depressed, and distrusts his/her own judgments. BLAME ALCOHOLISM / EXCUSE THE BEHAVIOR: "It's not his/her fault; he/she was just drunk." The alcoholic parent does some negative and/or irresponsible behavior (like embarrassing the child in front of the child's friends by drunken behavior), and the child is told by others not to get mad at the parent. The child learns, "If I am drunk, I can do whatever I want." author unknown