Acceptance Acceptance does not imply approval. Dysfunctional behavior is to be expected, but it is not always acceptable. Acceptance is a change in our own attitude in dealing with a situation that we can not change. It "is dealing with the reality of a bad situation, and then deciding what, if anything, I can and will do about it. Acceptance is not inaction." Expectation yields frustration; surrender yields serenity when I truly accept the things I can not change. When I accept, then I can detach. We need to become willing to accept the help of a Higher Power. This involves admitting that we can not do it alone. When we accept that we are not, and can not be, in control of a situation, we are freed from unsuccessfully trying to dominate it. We can then relax and be serene. When we only submit to a situation there is no real acceptance; when we fully surrender, peace comes. We can then truly be cooperative and receptive. A deeper level of acceptance is realizing that things are the way they are in the universe for a reason. Rebellion and self-pity make us feel worse, without effecting a change for the better. They show the problem to be in our attitude, not in the circumstances. Rebellion against unavoidable injustice wears us out; acceptance is easier and more reasonable. Self pity is a cover-up for failing to take life objectively; it comes into play when we fail to change the things we can, and accept the wrong things. Misery is optional. There is an old saying that the universe runs in a certain grain, and if one persists in going against the grain of the universe, he gets splinters. Acceptance frees us up to better our lives from the inside, instead of trying to control other people and situations. It is turning over my will; "Let go and let God." Faith follows acceptance, whether we understand why things are the way they are or not. To continue to grow in maturity and emotional health, there are basic things we need to accept: * Ourselves: Self-acceptance is a decision. It is okay to like myself as I work my recovery program to improve on my character defects. * Our Past: We can't change it by ignoring or denying it, or wishing it were different. The fourth step inventory helps us to accept and deal with it, to put it in perspective for today. * Our Condition: We are sometimes incapable of running our own lives, which, as step one says, had become unmanageable. * Help: We don't like the self-inflicted feeling of obligation to return the favor. One way to put it in perspective is to believe that all help comes directly from our Higher Power, through other people. * Responsibility: We are learning not to blame God or others for our own failures and unhappinesses. * Our Limitations: This involves coming to grips with our perfectionism, and accepting a more real view of ourselves. It requires modifying self-expectations: be good to yourself. * Tragedy: "Stuff happens!"..."Everything that happens is controlled by, or at least permitted by God." Either way, when we accept tragedy, our character develops. * Reality: For the most part, we must accept reality on its own terms. My beliefs affect my feelings, and thus my behavior, but what I believe will not directly impact certain basics such as the physical laws of nature. * Powerlessness: Accepting powerlessness means giving up trying to control, and allowing things to just be. "Live and Let Live." * Joy: Often we are more comfortable with the familiar pain. We are capable of learning to accept contentment and happiness. * Others: Accept people as they are; look for the good in them. "There is no serenity for the individual who feels that it is his responsibility to worry about what he considers the failures of others." Make a strong effort not to judge them, especially when they exhibit our worst character defects. * God's Will: As expressed in part of step 11, "praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out." Can I accept that whatever is beyond my direct control is God's will for me? This might alleviate much daily anxiety and turmoil about circumstances. The 12 steps are based on acceptance, as also pointed out by the slogans and the serenity prayer. The complete Serenity Prayer sums up the entire program, plus adding some of the writer's religious beliefs. It was written in 1782 by Pastor Freidrich Christoph, and reads as follows: God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can And wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time Enjoying one moment at a time Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace. Taking as He did, this sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right If I surrender to His will That I may be reasonably happy in this life And supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen. compiled by Holly Pechter-Walters in 1978, from a variety of Hazelden publications