Healthy Responses in a Dysfunctional Society

ACOA Issues, Various lists of

Janet Woititz 1983-84
Adult Children of Alcoholics:
1. guess at what normal is.
2. have difficulty following a project through from beginning to end.
3. lie when It would be just as easy to tell the truth.
4. take themselves very seriously.
5. judge themselves without mercy.
6. have difficulty having fun.
7. usually feel different from other people.
8. have difficulty with intimate relationships.
9. constantly seek approval and affirmation.
10. are super responsible or super irresponsible.
11. Are extremely to loyal even In the face of evidence that the loyalty Is undeserved.
12. over-react to changes over which they have no control.
13. tend to lock themselves Into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternative behaviors or possible consequences. This impulsivity leads to confusion, self loathing, and loss of control or their environment. As a result more energy Is spent cleaning up the mess than would have been spent had the alternatives and consequences been examined in the first place.

Adult COA / AlAnon 1982-84
a. Alcoholism Is a family disease and we became co-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of the disease even though we did not pick up a drink.
b. Co-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
c. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
d. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self esteem.
e. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love, friendship and career relationships.
f. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue".
g. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
h. We are frightened by angry people, and any personal criticism.
i. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
j. We become addicted to excitement.
k. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and It is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our faults or our responsibilities to ourselves.
l. We Are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship In order not to experience the painful abandonment feeling which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
m. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much. This includes our good feelings such as joy and happiness. Our being out of touch with our feelings is one of our basic denials.
n. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both; or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.

Bowdon & Gravltz 1983
1. All or none perfectionist standards/ functioning.
2. Inability to trust others and form close meaningful relationships.
3. overdeveloped sense of responsibility.
4. Dissociation from feelings.
5. Extreme need to control.
6. Lack Of fulfillment, both in personal relationships and professionally.
7. Unidentified loneliness and depression.
8. Personalize others' behavior.
9. "Adrenaline junkies."
10. Lack sense of personal rights and needs.
11. Feelings of guilt, and low self-esteem.
12. Inability to trust self and own internal reactions.

Perrin 1983
1. Adult COA's look for Immediate as opposed to delayed gratification.
2. Seek tension and crisis, and then complain about the results.
3. Avoid conflict or aggravate it; rarely deal with it.
4. Fear rejection and abandonment. Yet reject others.
5. Fear failure. but sabotage success.
6. Fear criticism and judgement. yet criticize and judge others.
7. Manage time poorly and do not set priorities to work well for them.

Jane Middleton 1984
1. Feel guilty - "I caused it all."
2. Feel incompetent, no matter how much achieved.
3. Feel a low self-esteem.
4. Fear holidays.
5. Unable to lot go and have fun.
6. Trust self, not others (yet, distrust self also).
7. Need to be right.
8. Repeated difficulty with relationships.
9. Difficulty with sexuality.
10. Tend to be perfectionistic, and fear being "found out."
11. Fear losing control of feelings, behavior, life in general.
12. All or none functioning.
13. Fear feeling, often feel numb (Dissociated).
14. Unexplained depression, despite success.
15. Delayed grief reactions.
16. Hypersensitive to needs of others. (Low sensitivity to own needs)
17. Often workaholics, compulsive personalities.
10. Difficulty asking for help.
19. Tend to have psychosomatic illness.

Claudia Black 1984
1. Difficulty asking for what we want.
2. Difficulty trusting.
3. Difficulty with intimate relationships.
4. Difficulty talking.
5. Difficulty feeling.
6. Frequent depression.